horrible mood.

i don't know but sometimes i wish we could talk. ugh idk i hate my dreams they changee everything !

all i know is that i need to tell you the truth. i can't keep lying to you.

goodbyee <3

just don't forget it. we won't regret it <3

so this weekend has to be possibly one of the best ever. let's see friday - i stayed home, but jay and michael were here like all day. then he passes by. WOW. but whatever. anywho! then margie, kevin, johann, and kiki came too. they all left around 113O ish. i got inside at almost 12. it was so much fun <3
saturday ; woke up; michael came over for like half hour. ♥ then dts with bestfriend <3 it was cold - but man the cuties ! (; "if you that cold you can just ask for a hugg. . . NOT BY YOU !" LOL! hilarious.. got home, and i really can't remember what i did. lol i don't think i did anything.
sunday ; woke up. bestfriend michael came over. then other michael came over and we chilled. i was glad we did. it changes alot <3 went to banana king; came back sat in my backyard. then margie, jayden, alex, kevin, & johann came over. HILARIOUS. then i fell asleep and they wanted to throw a rock at me. then margie wanted to be like me, and fall asleep too. NO (= but idk; it was mad funny. then everyone left except both michael's. we went to the front of my house for a while. then bestfriend got picked up and michael stayed for a few. then he left and i got inside and its like 1145 ish almost 12. and i went to sleep. it was fun (=
then today ; woke up went to the mall with mami and dadddy. shoppped (= came home and picked jay up. got home. michael came over. we chilled outside for a little. then chilled inside. i did my homework and then we came to my room and i discovered there was a golf channel! lol. washed jays hair and i was going to straighten it but then she got picked up so i did like half of it. then she left. me and michael stayed outside for a while. talked to clara and keyla. little girl don't love me anymore. lol whatever then i didnt want to get in trouble so he left like at 9. :)<3 i got insideee and they be playing me ! stay making fun of me. but its all gooood <3

anywho. im going to sleeep im exhaustedd <3

goooodnighttt <3

new beginning.

I'm starting over starting today .

You want me out, I'm gone. & what I'm about to say is not meant for me to be an asshole. i said what i needed too ; and i'm sorry for the pain i've caused, but i promise i won't be causing anymore.


ANYWHO ! back to my NEW life.

yesterday was one of the best days i've had in such a long time. but i'll leave it at that <3

gooodbye (=

(=

i shoudn't be in a good mood ; but i am (=

shows how much of an asshole i am ; i'm sorry.

anywho ; it didn't mean for it to go this way - but it is what it is. i'm not stressing anymore.


gooobye (= <3

so.

things are awkward. i don't know anymore.
it's come to that point where you yourself are pushing me away.
no it's not the same ; and honestly i think it's because i'm tired of always kissing your ass because you're upset. & then if i get upset it's a freaking crime. god forbid get mad. but then again ; it's just "whatever" isn't it ? you don't understand how hard i've tried. but it's come to the point where i'm not the only one in it & i'm tired of trying to fix things on my own.

gooodnight.

x3

Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect her to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect her to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans. But that's the thing. Love isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning and it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it.

Love happens; it is so incredibly messy. People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you're in love. It's inconvenient and painful and devastating at times, but we can't live without it. What you don't learn is how hard love is. How much work it takes. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete and utter idiots about it.

Love isn't her calming you down when you yell. It's her yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you, right in your face to wake you up and to keep you grounded. It isn't her/him bringing you roses everyday or cute things that make your relationship appear more presentable.

It's after a long fight, that drains the life and bones right out of you both, and yet her showing up at your door the next morning anyway. It's not her saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it's not her caressing your hair and telling you everything is going to be alright. It's her standing there, admitting she's just as scared as you are. You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved. You've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. Do what you will. Mash it into mince meat. Or forget I ever handed it to you. As long as you have it.

It makes us crazy. It makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. And it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole.
- Andrew Landon

Wish you'd just understand. but until then, I promise I will fight. <3

ugh.

once again ; i did something.

ugh ; whatever - just ruins my mood.

sorry i can't keep you happy anymore.

listen when i say 'player please' <3

maybe bestfriend is right . . . but you know i can't let go. . .


it's like it's a crime for me to be in a mad mood. in case you didn't realize, i get pissy sometimes too. & when that time comes you could be a tad more understanding and at least try to make me smile.

goodnight.